how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize