she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
