so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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