Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
