im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
