New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I understand Curling. That high.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize