My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
