So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
