he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
