last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
so much tequila, so little girl.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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