I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
