Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Even my vagina gasped.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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