Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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