Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Randomize