if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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