why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize