There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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