If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize