take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
