You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
