I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
