Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
