think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
