even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
