It's like a parade of train wrecks.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
