Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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