Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
