Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
