I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
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