it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
