that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
50% drunk capacity currently
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
