To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
