I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Green mimosas i think yes
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
