just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize