Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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