I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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