I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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