Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize