Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
