Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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