Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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