i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Randomize
