My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
