dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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