none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
