so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
