I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
