I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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