Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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