Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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