Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
