i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
