You can't special order awesome
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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