He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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