my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Even my vagina gasped.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He keeps bees of course he's weird
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
