Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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