I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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