I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize