i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
