im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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