Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
