Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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