these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
