Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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