Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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