Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
People in love make me want to vomit
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
