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• (913): View more from Kansas

  i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.

  (816): View more from Missouri

  i think im in thre room next to you

  Fav 28 2438 886

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• (716): View more from New York

  I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight

  Fav 24 896 5182

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• (352): View more from Florida

  I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"

  Fav 17 4518 1266

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.

  Fav 16 2858 3688

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.

  Fav 16 3408 1327

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?

  Fav 6 734 2417

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?

  (718): View more from New York

  See you tonight.

  Fav 4 1870 845

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• (234): View more from Ohio

  Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.

  Fav 3 1514 739

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• (210): View more from Texas

  I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.

  Fav 3 933 766

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• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.

  Fav 0 798 474

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• (602): View more from Arizona

  It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead

  Fav 0 732 464

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.

  Fav 1 114 140

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• (252): View more from North Carolina

  He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house

  Fav 0 52 22

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• (917): View more from New York City

  Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.

  (310): View more from California

  Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam

  Fav 0 57 28

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• (309): View more from Illinois

  We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.

  Fav 0 31 3

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