Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
