k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
