It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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