wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
