How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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