what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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