We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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