so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize